When Do I Quit?
I’m not in love with Substack anymore.
The magic isn’t here anymore.
It’s been ages since I’ve felt Grace visit me to write in her journal. When her stories arrive, it’s from a space of inspiration; whether that’s a kiss in a book, a love scene in a movie or I witness two lovers in their own world. I feel it and write it. Except it’s not coming to me and I get so stressed and upset I feel quite angry.
Life feels hard. Really hard.
It’s not only me feeling the pressure to survive but it weighs so heavy on my soul. I almost feel like an empty tank. Day to day life trying to get by on my single income freelancing gigs is beyond crippling. The fatigue from worrying about finances. Working every day an event comes in because I have no choice. Trying to be a present mum because that’s what I live for. I want to see my daughter and spend time with her. Then my Substack gets the hit because I’m so tired and in a constant state of stress I cannot write. People want me to and I can’t.
I failed.
Talk about living my F*CK IT year.
My magic has disappeared and I can’t find it anywhere.
I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m broke. I’m failing.
I might be quitting.
Michelle Bella x
Oh, i'm so sorry to hear how much you're struggling and wish i knew a way to help.
You remember, at the start of "F*ck It", that i left my well-paid job? Well i had to leave, before it took everything from me - it was killing me. Sometimes it becomes necessary to change things, if what we're doing is mentally destroying us.
Freelancing is great, you love it and you manage teams. But it's irregular and you have no life. You need a steady income & regular hours - that means a normal full-time job. Probably working FOR a venue, not at a venue. How? Use your contacts. But something clearly has to change.
Honestly, Substack hasn't worked for me either. I publish the first 2 parts of a story and waited for some reaction. Some people read it - not one has been in touch to ask for more.
People don't find things here. Most successful people are driving their subscribers here from other places. We can't do that. I don't have the answer. Sorry.
X
Sometimes quitting can be the most fructifying thing we can do for ourselves. Make a podcast, lose weight, build a following–sometimes in all the self-improvement, we lose ourselves even more. Maybe giving yourself a little grace to just exist will remind you why you fell in love with writing in the first place.
Good luck, Michelle.